Salam alaykum,
................well it sure has been a while since I've wrote anything on here, well that's me all over....inconsistent really should be my middle name!
I'm sure the last time I wrote, I mentioned how low my eeman was, well it still is, my enthusiasm and motivation has seriously plummeted, and I know if I want to become motivated again I have to put in some effort....read the qur'an/an islamic book or listen to a lecture, but without enthusiasm and motivation I'm finding it pretty hard to do.
I've suprised myself recently with the way I see certain things, I wont go too much into this as tbh I'm not looking to get into any kind of debate about a particular subject. let's just say things that I would have been really strict about in the years that I've been a muslim, now don't seem as bad, and i've found myself taking more notice of other fatwas and opinions regarding these things, can be pretty confusing.
I've also found myself reflecting alot about my life, and don't get me wrong I'm so grateful to Allaah for guiding me back to Islam and in my heart I do believe that Islam is the truth, but I feel that happiness and contentment is somewhat missing, I wonder to myself is this because I'm low in my eemaan, and I feel I'm being pulled in all directions, there's parts of me trying to hold onto my deen and knowing it's the truth not wanting to let it go, then because of my weakness, I find myself being pulled to the dunya, and I know myself that if I were living the life I was living before I wouldn't be completely happy, I just feel stuck in a way, I'm trying hard to explain exactly how I feel inside, I don't want to lose Islam but feel isolated, and yes I could go and mix more with the sisters but don't really feel like it, and with the big focus on Islam, sometimes going out and displaying your islamic identity just puts you in the spotlight, and have people reacting to you because of this, alhamdulillah I don't get alot of problems, but sometimes just takes it's toll always being the one ppl stare at or judge when they don't even know you.
I think I really needed to let this all out, and I know I need to take some serious action if I want to save my deen, this has gone on for too long now, but it seems all of a sudden I've dipped even further and that's the scary part, I don't want it to get to the point where I'm not covering or praying, authu billaah, but I'm just stuck in a rut subhanAllaah, it sounds crazy but I've conjured up thoughts in my head about living my life with Islam as my belief but without so many restrictions and realistically I know this cannot work, your lifestyle would just be contradicting your belief, because if you believe properly then you would try your best to wear hijab, pray 5 times etc....
I ask Allah to keep us all guided and let jannah be our final abode, ameen.
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6 comments:
The same thing happened with me as well but alhamdullilah my eman is getting better now...what you need to do is just keep on building your eman step by step and don't rush to follow everything all at once...i just kept on praying, reciting qur'an only when i really wanted to do and had nothing else to do...point being don't force everything upon yourself, take small steps at a time and build upon them gradually. Inshallah you will be able to get out of this rut soon.
Bismillaah arRahmaan arRaheem
Assalamu alaykum ukhti fillaah. We know from our aqeedah that emaan increases and decreases and shaytaan will always try and make us stray from the siraatul mustaqeem. May Allah ta'ala keep me, you and all our brothers and sisters firm upon the deen of Al-Islaam and grant us taqawa of Allaah that will act as a barrier between us and the dioedience of Allaah ta'ala. Ameen
Wa alaykum assalam, Ameen to your du'a, jazakillah khair :)
Insha Allah! jazakillah khair for your advice and thanks for stopping by :)
Assalamu alaiki,
I would recommend that you quickly move to a Muslim area. Especially somewhere that holds regular duroos, jumah etc. This isolation is a breeding ground for shaytaan. Living around other Muslims is a big motivation and keeps your emaan up.
See how you go from there InshaAllah...
Regards,
Your sister in Islaam.
Wa alaykum assalam,
Jazakillah khair for stopping by and taking the time to comment. I do actually live in an area where there are alot of muslims, and if I pushed myself I could attend some lessons, but with four children in tow sometimes it's just easier and less stressful to stay at home!
It's down to myself really, right nw I'm not feeling motivated to attend lessons etc, and I know that I wont become motivated unless I start taking steps, which is quite hard when there's not much motivation! lol if u can understand that!
It has been on my mind to start reading, especially the Qur'an, but there needs to be action not just intention, insha Allaah khair :)
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